Expectations: Pt 2

So there we were, in the Emergency Room parking lot in Monterey. My family was tired, hungry, and legitimately concerned that Dad may end up getting admitted either for cardiac arrest, mental health, or possibly both. (In case you missed my last post “Expectations: Pt. 1”, you might want to scroll to read that one first, as it will provide a bit of context for the story). My wife and I left the van full of teenagers to go for a walk. As we did, she spoke something to me that shifted my whole perspective about the events of the day. I was so occupied with trying to give them all a great vacation; nice hotel, swimming pool, beach, etc., I failed to realize what they actually cared about, which was just being together. I felt the pressure of a perceived expectation that everything would be perfect, when in actuality that was the expectation I put on myself. With tears in my eyes, so frustrated that I couldn’t fix the issues with the hotel, I told her I let the family down and I was so sorry. My sweet wife, my best friend, then reminded me how much she and our kids love me. She told me it didn’t matter if we had to all sleep in the minivan for the night, they were with me. The pressure and expectation I felt wasn’t from them at all. It was from me.

Whether or not you put any stock in the Enneagram doesn’t matter. I’m a type 9 which is a peace maker. Apart from the enneagram I’m still a peace maker. When I was a kid I was a peace maker and I’ll probably be a peace maker until the day I die. It’s just how I’m wired. But it can come with it’s own bag of poopoo to carry around if I’m not careful. When peace maker turns into people pleaser, well, Houston we have a problem. And that problem is that I can’t please everybody. In fact, it’s rare, if ever that I can actually truly please anybody. I wasn’t created to please people, and neither were you. We were created to love. Love God, love your neighbor, and love yourself. In the vacation story, I was trying so badly to please my family that I wasn’t actually able to function as a peace maker, and I certainly wasn’t acting in love.

We all live with expectations, either from others or from ourselves. Some expectations are good, i.e. your boss expects you to show up for work on time, etc., and others may be harmful. I’m learning (just barely) to live from a foundation of love that allows me to exist in freedom and peace, rather than live under real or perceived expectations that cause tension and pressure to be a people pleaser. Are there areas in your life that are being ruled by expectations? You may want to reevaluate where those expectations are coming from and consider if they are helping you become a better version of the “you” that God created, or are they just getting in the way. I naturally don’t like to let people down, so believe me when I say this is a real struggle, but I’m finding new freedom in allowing love to be my guiding factor rather than expectations. I hope this can help you as well.