Pura Vida

Row 7, window seat on the 8:00 am flight out of Rogue Valley “International” Airport. Excited for another adventure together, my wife and I settle in for a long day of travel, expecting to arrive at our destination in about 15 hours. We absolutely love traveling together. Discovering new beautiful places, learning about culture and history, and don’t even get me started on the food! Oh, the food. Fish tacos and paella, fresh sashimi straight from the ocean, a warm croissant and espresso, pan dulce, champagne, cheese, and pan chocolat. Oh my goodness, it’s a good thing we walk so much when we travel or we would have some serious problems! But with all the beauty and culture, food, experiences, and photo ops, our hearts are searching for something more. We are intentional and focused on connecting with the people we meet along the way. We want to make a human connection with someone, to hear their story and truly see them as beautiful and unique humans. To me, to us, this is how we start to embrace the joie de vivre (joy of living) in France, the Pura Vida (Pure life) in Costa Rica, or the Vida buena (Good life). These phrases definitely embody a broader perspective of how you live day to day, slowing down, enjoying what you have and where you are, and I think this all starts with human connection. We are made to be in community.

What do we do then, when the vacation is over and we return to the daily routine of work and kids and bills and life? I’ve struggled with this for years, to the extent that my wife nearly refused to go on another vacation with me because I would return home feeling depressed and anxious about falling back into the same ruts of life I was so desperate to escape. We experience something new and different and then drop right back into the same old. I’m learning (slowly, but surely) that the lessons of life that we get to discover when we travel aren’t meant to stay abroad, but they come home with us. The art of hospitality that we experience in a small, Provence village shapes our home and helps us love our neighbors at home better. The relaxed pace of sitting to enjoy conversation over a fine glass of Bordeaux reminds me to slow down the frantic pace of American living and breathe in the joy of life with family and friends. I want to do better. I want my wife to always feel like she is more important than my career, my hobbies, or my phone. I want my kids to know they are adored and valued for who they are. I want my grandkids to know that Mimi and Papa cherish our time with them and feel so blessed to be able to love them like we do. I want friends to feel cared for, neighbors to feel appreciated, and strangers to feel welcomed. Again, I’m learning and definitely have not achieved any of this like I want to, but that’s all part of our human experience. We learn, we grow, we un-learn, we fall, we ask forgiveness and get back up, and we keep going.

I hope today in your life, you know you are loved. I hope you have people in your life that encourage you to grab the joie de vivre. I hope you are experiencing Pura vida as you find your way through this complex and sometimes messy life. The good news is that even if we don’t feel like anyone is giving that to us, we can give it to others. We can love our neighbor. We can encourage the checker at the grocery store. We can tip the barista generously and tell them how much they are appreciated. Smile more, enjoy the day, embrace life, and let’s learn the art of Pura vida in our daily lives.

Green, Type 9, INFP

When I was in nursing school, our instructors thought it would be a great idea to divide the class up for a discussion. Self-identified introverts on the right side of the classroom, extroverts on the left. Still to this day, I’m not really sure what the purpose of that was but one thing is for certain; the class was more than just divided logistically. It was divided deeply, on an almost spiritual level that brought out the worst of both sides. It went something like this: “If you guys would just speak up once in a while, then maybe….” followed by: “We would if you guys would just stop talking for a …….” Well, you get the idea. It got ugly real quick and honestly I don’t think the cohort was ever really the same after that.

My wife and I were discussing the ideas of introverted/extroverted, personality types, etc., which is actually fascinating to me and can be quite beneficial to understand yourself (both your strengths and weaknesses), as well as to understand those you have relationship with. There is real value in learning what makes you tick and what ticks you off and why. In case nobody has told you this in a while, you are unique and valuable. We need you in this world to show up, fully alive, and bring your authentic thoughts, voice, and being into community. You also share certain of those qualities with a subsection of other humans walking the planet. There are currently 8.1+ billion people in the world. That is 8.1 billion examples of trend and similarity, as well as uniqueness and nuance.

The truth is, you are quite complicated. Regardless of Myers-Briggs or Enneagram type, as helpful as those things can be, there are parts of us that just can’t be squeezed into a box of normalcy. What people may label as “introverted”, may actually just be fear as a result of past trauma, or cowardly hiding in the shadows to avoid the exposure of their own issues. Or the “extrovert” you know who is always the loudest and life of the party could simply be covering up their own insecurity, afraid to face the reality of their struggles so they surround themselves with people all the time to avoid the introspection of solitude. I don’t think this takes anything away from these personality tools, but adds to them. I recognize that behind every Type 7 ENFP, there is a human that has a story and needs to be loved. There is pain that needs to be acknowledged and wounds that need to be healed.

If you’ve never explored these personality tools (Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, etc), I would recommend that you check them out. They can be helpful to learn more about yourself and understand your preferences and tendencies. Then, look beyond those as well, to see how your own story has affected you. This is the great question of “Nature vs. Nurture”. I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle, between how you were made and what you’ve experienced. The short simple answer is that we all need to be loved and accepted as we are but that doesn’t mean we should stay that way, though. We grow, we learn, we change, and evolve. So as you give others the space to discover who they were created to be and how life has affected them, give yourself that same space as well. Out of 8.1 billion souls, there is only one you, and we need you.

Paz y amor

Native Tongue

Many years ago in what seems like another life completely, I was a “car salesman”. I put that in quotes to emphasize that I was a car salesman by title only. I was probably the worst salesman to ever walk onto a car lot. Clearly, it was not an ideal career choice for me but hey, sometimes you have to find out what you suck at before you discover your gifts. Much like selling cars, sometimes trying to learn a new language just feels nearly impossible, like everything I say is wrong and I’ll never get it. I once found myself in the front seat of a 1985 Ford Thunderbird. The four guys in the car with me were on a test drive, and I was doing my best to sell them on all the great things about this car. However, as I mentioned, I’m a terrible salesman in English but these guys all spoke Spanish, so needless to say it wasn’t going very well. I was doing my best to remember my high-school Spanish lessons, when I decided to go ahead and ask the guy who was driving if he wants the car. “Te quiero”, I said to him confidently. But as soon as the words left my lips, I knew it was wrong. I wasn’t even close to asking if he wanted the car. What I actually said would translate to “I love you”. They all had a good laugh over it, and miraculously I sold them a car that day.

Learning a new language is quite challenging, but I absolute love it. I’ve been working on my Spanish for years now, and recently took to learning French as well. There is something beautiful about being able to communicate with someone in their native language that is so connective, linking people to their ancestral heritage and honoring who they are. As I was considering why this seems so powerful and important to me, I discovered something profound. We are all connected, regardless of our ancestry, race, or nationality, by a common native language. Every human being alive is created, equal and unique, in the image of love itself. The bible tells us in 1 John 4:8 that “God is love”. God is not hate, although there are things God hates. God is not judgmental, although God does judge rightly. God does many things, but what describes God’s essence is Love. If you believe that all men were created equal, there must be a creator. And if that creator is God, then the essence of God has been passed on to us as our heritage as well. Therefore, Love is our native tongue. To me, that is so beautiful and simple.

Does your heart break for the unhoused people in your community? Do you care for the outcast and marginalized? Do you view those with whom you may disagree as fellow human beings deserving to be loved? I can tell you, I certainly don’t always do that. I wish I did, but sometimes it’s really difficult. But something inside me, deep in my soul, tells me that is what I was made for. Not to prove my points, win an argument, or convince someone of anything. I am created (and so are you) to love. Very simply, to love God and love people. Everything else in life will take care of itself if we would all function in that way. No wars. No hunger. No hatred, division, or genocide. Love God and love your neighbor. This is our native language we were created to speak, so when you’re not really sure what to say to someone, just start with telling them and showing them “Te quiero”….”I love you”. That’s a language we can all understand. Paz y amor.

Culture and Caffeine

Much of what I have written over the years, both here and on multiple other platforms has come from a deep desire to see cultural walls broken down and allow everyone a seat at the same table. As I mentioned in my last post Border Crisis, cultural differences can’t be seen as “us vs. them”. It’s just us. All of us. We’re in this together and everyone, regardless of language, customs, birth place, etc. not only deserves a seat at the table, but it is actually critical to the survival and freedom of all of us to have each other. “No one is free until we are all free.” This quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. points to the interconnectedness that we all share as humans. We are in this together and we need each other. We need to hear each others voice, to respect our differences, and to fight against anything that worms it’s way into our hearts and minds to bring hatred and division.

One place I love, where this spirit of community is playing out practically is a new little coffee shop in Medford called Cafe Mestiza. If you haven’t been there yet, I highly recommend it! The coffee is great with a comfortable and welcoming atmosphere offering service in English and Spanish. When I’m there, I get a small snippet of what I think the world could be like if we looked beyond our cultural differences to see the humans behind them. While I sit there enjoying a delicious, locally roasted coffee, young Latinx teenagers, families, or old white guys like me all feel equally welcomed and valued. It’s what I envision a better future looking like for all of us.

Who are the people you find yourself speaking poorly about? You may have disparate ideologies, socio-political perspectives, language, beliefs, skin color, or customs that cause you to think and speak in terms of “us vs. them”. Consider where the hidden biases are in your own heart and mind and be honest about your preconceived labels and ideas. What would happen if you actually sat down with that person who is different than you, perhaps at Cafe Mestiza, and get to know them over a cup of coffee? How would your perspective shift if you choose to see that person as a human-being rather than just a nationality, religion, political party, etc.? At the very least, you will get a great cup of coffee, but you’ll likely walk away with a new friend and a better understanding of the beautiful and diverse world we live in. I’d say that’s a win-win-win. Paz y amor.

Border Crisis

If you hate anyone because of your faith, you’re doing it wrong

the Happy Givers

This is super convicting to me…..maybe it is to you, too. I’m convinced that we (as a society in general) have lost the ability to disagree without dividing. We can start to identify ourselves by our own personal convictions or opinions, to the point that we then feel threatened if someone disagrees with us. Rather than simply having a different thought on a particular subject, we will draw conclusions about that person’s character, integrity, intelligence, or motives and create a wall of division between us. I can’t think of a better example of this than what we see on display at the southern U.S. border, where literal and figurative walls are separating human beings based on a made-up line of demarcation and an imagined ideal of who “deserves” to be here.

Recently I was having a conversation with a woman who said to me in reference to the thousands of migrants and refugees stuck at the border, “They’re all criminals coming here and just looking for a hand-out.” We had a good conversation, as I attempted to show her another view of these precious souls and help her see them through a different lens. Many of the posts I see online, even from well-intentioned friends and family whom I love dearly, speak of migrants and refugees in a way that completely dehumanizes them. They are seen as a “problem to fix” rather than people to love. To any who read these words, I’m pleading with you…..it should not be this way.

“Treat the foreigner the same as the native. Love him like one of your own. Remember that you were once foreigners…..”

“Treat the foreigner the same as the native. Love him like one of your own. Remember that you were once foreigners…..” These aren’t my words, but taken directly from old testament scripture in the book of Leviticus. I don’t know about you and your family, but my ancestors were immigrants as well. They came here as foreigners and didn’t speak English. At five years old, my great-grandfather boarded a ship with his parents and extended family, sailed across the Atlantic and landed in Canada. They continued their trek over land and by river until they finally landed in Minnesota and started a new life in America. Chances are, your family has a similar story, unless you happen to be a descendant of indigenous Native-American tribes. I can tell you with 100% certainty, if I were living today in war-torn poverty, violence, corruption, and unrest, I would do anything I had to do to get my family to safety in hopes for a better future for my kids and grandkids, and most likely you’d probably do the same as well.

The great majority of people in this beautiful world just want to be loved. We want to live in peace and prosperity. We want to raise our children in safety, with enough opportunity to provide well for their needs and see them grow and prosper. It doesn’t matter what color your skin is, what language you speak, or what side of the barbed-wire you happen to have been born on. If we forget that and start viewing foreigners as “us vs. them”, we become part of the problem rather than the solution. This mindset only deepens the divide and causes more separation, distrust, and misunderstanding. That, I’m afraid, is the real border crisis.

Disclaimer: I certainly don’t have all the answers to fix our broken immigration system. I don’t understand all the intricacies of U.S. policy, DACA, Refugee admissions, Asylum status, etc., etc. I only know this one simple truth. My faith should cause me to love my neighbor, and if it doesn’t, then I’m doing it wrong.