Native Tongue

Many years ago in what seems like another life completely, I was a “car salesman”. I put that in quotes to emphasize that I was a car salesman by title only. I was probably the worst salesman to ever walk onto a car lot. Clearly, it was not an ideal career choice for me but hey, sometimes you have to find out what you suck at before you discover your gifts. Much like selling cars, sometimes trying to learn a new language just feels nearly impossible, like everything I say is wrong and I’ll never get it. I once found myself in the front seat of a 1985 Ford Thunderbird. The four guys in the car with me were on a test drive, and I was doing my best to sell them on all the great things about this car. However, as I mentioned, I’m a terrible salesman in English but these guys all spoke Spanish, so needless to say it wasn’t going very well. I was doing my best to remember my high-school Spanish lessons, when I decided to go ahead and ask the guy who was driving if he wants the car. “Te quiero”, I said to him confidently. But as soon as the words left my lips, I knew it was wrong. I wasn’t even close to asking if he wanted the car. What I actually said would translate to “I love you”. They all had a good laugh over it, and miraculously I sold them a car that day.

Learning a new language is quite challenging, but I absolute love it. I’ve been working on my Spanish for years now, and recently took to learning French as well. There is something beautiful about being able to communicate with someone in their native language that is so connective, linking people to their ancestral heritage and honoring who they are. As I was considering why this seems so powerful and important to me, I discovered something profound. We are all connected, regardless of our ancestry, race, or nationality, by a common native language. Every human being alive is created, equal and unique, in the image of love itself. The bible tells us in 1 John 4:8 that “God is love”. God is not hate, although there are things God hates. God is not judgmental, although God does judge rightly. God does many things, but what describes God’s essence is Love. If you believe that all men were created equal, there must be a creator. And if that creator is God, then the essence of God has been passed on to us as our heritage as well. Therefore, Love is our native tongue. To me, that is so beautiful and simple.

Does your heart break for the unhoused people in your community? Do you care for the outcast and marginalized? Do you view those with whom you may disagree as fellow human beings deserving to be loved? I can tell you, I certainly don’t always do that. I wish I did, but sometimes it’s really difficult. But something inside me, deep in my soul, tells me that is what I was made for. Not to prove my points, win an argument, or convince someone of anything. I am created (and so are you) to love. Very simply, to love God and love people. Everything else in life will take care of itself if we would all function in that way. No wars. No hunger. No hatred, division, or genocide. Love God and love your neighbor. This is our native language we were created to speak, so when you’re not really sure what to say to someone, just start with telling them and showing them “Te quiero”….”I love you”. That’s a language we can all understand. Paz y amor.

Culture and Caffeine

Much of what I have written over the years, both here and on multiple other platforms has come from a deep desire to see cultural walls broken down and allow everyone a seat at the same table. As I mentioned in my last post Border Crisis, cultural differences can’t be seen as “us vs. them”. It’s just us. All of us. We’re in this together and everyone, regardless of language, customs, birth place, etc. not only deserves a seat at the table, but it is actually critical to the survival and freedom of all of us to have each other. “No one is free until we are all free.” This quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. points to the interconnectedness that we all share as humans. We are in this together and we need each other. We need to hear each others voice, to respect our differences, and to fight against anything that worms it’s way into our hearts and minds to bring hatred and division.

One place I love, where this spirit of community is playing out practically is a new little coffee shop in Medford called Cafe Mestiza. If you haven’t been there yet, I highly recommend it! The coffee is great with a comfortable and welcoming atmosphere offering service in English and Spanish. When I’m there, I get a small snippet of what I think the world could be like if we looked beyond our cultural differences to see the humans behind them. While I sit there enjoying a delicious, locally roasted coffee, young Latinx teenagers, families, or old white guys like me all feel equally welcomed and valued. It’s what I envision a better future looking like for all of us.

Who are the people you find yourself speaking poorly about? You may have disparate ideologies, socio-political perspectives, language, beliefs, skin color, or customs that cause you to think and speak in terms of “us vs. them”. Consider where the hidden biases are in your own heart and mind and be honest about your preconceived labels and ideas. What would happen if you actually sat down with that person who is different than you, perhaps at Cafe Mestiza, and get to know them over a cup of coffee? How would your perspective shift if you choose to see that person as a human-being rather than just a nationality, religion, political party, etc.? At the very least, you will get a great cup of coffee, but you’ll likely walk away with a new friend and a better understanding of the beautiful and diverse world we live in. I’d say that’s a win-win-win. Paz y amor.

Border Crisis

If you hate anyone because of your faith, you’re doing it wrong

the Happy Givers

This is super convicting to me…..maybe it is to you, too. I’m convinced that we (as a society in general) have lost the ability to disagree without dividing. We can start to identify ourselves by our own personal convictions or opinions, to the point that we then feel threatened if someone disagrees with us. Rather than simply having a different thought on a particular subject, we will draw conclusions about that person’s character, integrity, intelligence, or motives and create a wall of division between us. I can’t think of a better example of this than what we see on display at the southern U.S. border, where literal and figurative walls are separating human beings based on a made-up line of demarcation and an imagined ideal of who “deserves” to be here.

Recently I was having a conversation with a woman who said to me in reference to the thousands of migrants and refugees stuck at the border, “They’re all criminals coming here and just looking for a hand-out.” We had a good conversation, as I attempted to show her another view of these precious souls and help her see them through a different lens. Many of the posts I see online, even from well-intentioned friends and family whom I love dearly, speak of migrants and refugees in a way that completely dehumanizes them. They are seen as a “problem to fix” rather than people to love. To any who read these words, I’m pleading with you…..it should not be this way.

“Treat the foreigner the same as the native. Love him like one of your own. Remember that you were once foreigners…..”

“Treat the foreigner the same as the native. Love him like one of your own. Remember that you were once foreigners…..” These aren’t my words, but taken directly from old testament scripture in the book of Leviticus. I don’t know about you and your family, but my ancestors were immigrants as well. They came here as foreigners and didn’t speak English. At five years old, my great-grandfather boarded a ship with his parents and extended family, sailed across the Atlantic and landed in Canada. They continued their trek over land and by river until they finally landed in Minnesota and started a new life in America. Chances are, your family has a similar story, unless you happen to be a descendant of indigenous Native-American tribes. I can tell you with 100% certainty, if I were living today in war-torn poverty, violence, corruption, and unrest, I would do anything I had to do to get my family to safety in hopes for a better future for my kids and grandkids, and most likely you’d probably do the same as well.

The great majority of people in this beautiful world just want to be loved. We want to live in peace and prosperity. We want to raise our children in safety, with enough opportunity to provide well for their needs and see them grow and prosper. It doesn’t matter what color your skin is, what language you speak, or what side of the barbed-wire you happen to have been born on. If we forget that and start viewing foreigners as “us vs. them”, we become part of the problem rather than the solution. This mindset only deepens the divide and causes more separation, distrust, and misunderstanding. That, I’m afraid, is the real border crisis.

Disclaimer: I certainly don’t have all the answers to fix our broken immigration system. I don’t understand all the intricacies of U.S. policy, DACA, Refugee admissions, Asylum status, etc., etc. I only know this one simple truth. My faith should cause me to love my neighbor, and if it doesn’t, then I’m doing it wrong.

Leaning in

When I was a kid, I loved to play soccer. All year long I played on any and every team I could get a spot on. Some seasons were great and some were, well, not as great. Because of where my birthday falls (which happened to be last week if you forgot to say Happy Birthday) I often had to move up into the older age bracket before most of my friends, which was always intimidating because I was almost always the smallest kid on the team. One season in particular, just as we were moving into junior high, I had to move up to a team of older kids and I barely knew anyone. The coach didn’t know me, except that I was the shrimpy kid who stood about a foot shorter than everyone else on the team. ”You’re going to play fullback (defense),” he told me. Ummm, no I’m not, I thought to myself. I always played forward. I ran fast and scored goals. That’s what I loved. I didn’t want to play defense. I actually almost quit soccer that season because I was so frustrated trying to learn something new. Thankfully I didn’t though, and as the season clicked by something happened. I discovered that I actually enjoyed my new-found position, and chose to continue there for the rest of my soccer-playing life.

As the year comes to an end, I always like to reflect back on the last trip around the sun and remember what I learned and set goals for the months ahead. To be honest, this past year has been amazing but I’ve also had previous years that were an absolute disaster. Life definitely has a way of punching you in the gut sometimes when things don’t go how we expected. Either through circumstances beyond our control, or often due to our own frail humanity, we can sometimes find ourselves frustrated, defeated, and ready to give up. In those times, we have a choice to either run from the struggle or, if we can find the will to do it, we can lean into the challenge and discover something courageous inside that was previously hidden away in fear. This is our opportunity to learn and find new joy.

To accept one’s past- one’s history- is not the same thing as drowning in it; it is learning to use it.

James Baldwin

Can I offer you a word of encouragement as this year comes to a close? I offer the same to my own soul that wrestles through these things on a daily basis. Lean into the struggle. Accept your history so you can learn from it. Don’t live in cowardly fear running from the pain of your failures or the difficult circumstances you may be facing today. Tell yourself a better story of redemption, love, and compassion toward yourself and others, and find joy in your life. Each breath is a gift. Every beautiful soul that crosses your path is an opportunity to love, to accept, and to discover something new about yourself as well. Like the sunrise of a brand new day, this next year will bring both healing and pain, blessing and loss, smiles and tears, and all of it, every last moment and breath of your life is an opportunity for faith, hope, and love to grow in you. Embrace your story, learn from it, and don’t give up.

Who’s that imposter?

Recently I was having a conversation with someone about their job. The discussion was mainly about being replaceable in your position, and this anonymous friend said to me, “I don’t think they would find someone to replace me that would do the job as well as I do.” I’ve actually seen this person in action and believe me, it’s impressive. The skill and grace by which tasks get done is top-notch, and I agree that the employer would likely have a difficult time finding a replacement that would perform as well. I replied to the statement, “I’m sure they could find thousands of people to replace me in my job that would do better than me”. My response was both honest and perhaps fairly accurate, but certainly telling of a struggle that many of us face. They call it imposter syndrome. I’m sure you’re likely familiar with the term, and perhaps even struggle with that yourself at times. What concerns me about that way of thinking is that it usually doesn’t stop with your career but permeates into the very fabric of your soul and plants seeds of doubt about your identity and value in the world. 

Years ago, and what seems like a lifetime ago, I worked in the car business with my dad. He had opened a small, used car lot and begged me to come work for him. Or maybe he had only casually mentioned the possibility of working for him and I quit my job the following day and showed up in his office ready to work. Regardless of how it happened, I ended up working for him in various capacities at the car lot for almost 10 years. We had a lot of great times over the years, but there was this small, nagging issue that would never quite resolve. I was a terrible salesman and I hated selling. Not great qualities for a used car salesman. Many times I would just go sit in the bathroom for a half-hour just so I didn’t have to talk to a customer. My dad probably thought I had some chronic issue with my bowels as I retreated to the bathroom for the tenth time in a day. I tried to be a salesman like my dad but it just didn’t fit, and I knew it. In this case, I truly was an imposter trying to do something that just wasn’t right for me.

Fast forward a few years. I left the car business and after a couple other brief career attempts, I landed a position as a Medical Assistant. My first job in the medical field working at La Clinica del Valle. I didn’t know anything about medicine, but I spoke some Spanish so they hired me and trained me on the job. I absolutely loved it! I continued working as an M.A. while I worked my way through nursing school and soon enough, I graduated and became an R.N. That was 16 years ago and still to this day I question if I know what I’m doing. I’ve worked in several different roles as a nurse, always learning new skills and specialties, and yet I still feel at times that any day someone is going to discover that I don’t know what I’m doing and I’ll be exposed as a fraud.

Life can be like that, too. I’ve spoken with other men about this and it’s a common thread that many of us struggle with. We tell ourselves “I’m a fraud” or “I’m not good enough”, etc., essentially what we’re saying is, “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and I hope nobody finds out.” We’re often told to “man up” but we really don’t even know what it means to be a man, let alone what it means to “man up”. Basically it seems to mean that if you’re scared, pretend that you’re not. If you’re weak, act like you’re tough. If you’re hurt, rub some dirt on it and don’t cry. No wonder we have a chronic problem feeling like imposters…..because we are. So many men that I know struggle to show any sign of weakness, fear, or vulnerability because they’ve been taught to cover up their humanity and pretend that everything is fine. This constant façade is difficult to keep up and eats away at their souls until they no longer know what is true and what’s not. We become detached from the essence of who we really are until everything about us feels fraudulent and in fear of being exposed.

I’m speaking primarily to men here: be vulnerable. Find a friend, or two or three that you can talk to and just be honest with them. We’re all in this boat together and unless we face it with honesty and courage, one by one we will sink under the weight we all try to carry alone. There are some careers that are a good fit for us and some aren’t. Some hobbies you can rock and others where you’re just a pretender. But when it comes to life, you were made for this. We were created with purpose and identity that nobody can take away from us. You are the real thing, authentic, valuable, and irreplaceable. So don’t tell yourself you’re an imposter anymore. Be honest and vulnerable with yourself and with others and you’ll discover the real you is so much better than your imposter will ever be.