Love on repeat

A couple years ago, I scored a great birthday present from my wife. She knows how much I love music so she bought me a record player and a couple of records she thought I would like. One of them is Buena Vista Social Club. I had never actually listened to them before, but from the moment that needle dropped for the first time, I was hooked. The sounds of Cuba come to life with the piano, horns, drums, and guitar. The vocals of Ibrahim Ferrer, Compay Segundo, and Omara Portuondo grace the album with such nostalgic class and style that my copy of vinyl found itself on repeat daily. I realized recently that is probably how my blog feels sometimes, like love on repeat. It seems that whatever subject I’m thinking about at the time, somehow it always comes back around to this trio: Love God, Love your neighbor, and Love yourself.

As much as this may sound like a scratched record constantly skipping back to the same tired lyrics, I can’t help but look around and see that the message of love is needed now more than ever. So what exactly does a message of love sound like? What should it look like? How is a message of love supposed to make people feel and what should it motivate me to do? Much of the evangelical world right now is enamored with a message of power and prosperity, success and superiority. So is that what the intent of the gospel is, for us to prosper financially, to have the most powerful military, or to be the “greatest” nation on earth? Or have we lost sight of loving our neighbor? Have we forgotten that the last shall be first? Are we missing the point of welcoming the foreigner, turning the other cheek, and even loving our enemies? I’m not pointing a finger at anyone in particular here, but I do think it’s worth a moment to consider which kingdom we are serving.

Believe me, I have concerns about the mixture of faith and nationalism. I see the rhetoric on both sides of the fence, and it’s hurtful, dehumanizing, and causing relentless stress and anxiety in so many people. I just don’t think it has to be this way. Can we disagree without villainizing each other? Can we debate and not attack someone’s character or intelligence simply because we have different beliefs, backgrounds, and viewpoints? An assassination attempt is not the cause of division, but the result of so much hate-speech, catastrophizing, and fear tactics. Let’s all just take a breath. Someone is going to be our new president in November. You might like him or her, and you might not. But please, with all due respect, for the love of God, and for the God who IS love, let’s put love on repeat. Let our speech be full of love. Respect each other in love. Be truthful in love and even disagree in love. That is how our nation is going to be ok. Not based on which party wins an election, but we the people choosing to relentlessly love one another. Peace and love to you all.

What do you say?

It’s hard to call myself a writer. I don’t know why exactly. I guess something in me feels inadequate, like a poser trying to be something I’m not. At least, that’s what the voice in my head likes to tell me. It’s amazing how sometimes the words we speak to ourselves cut the deepest and take the longest to heal. Consider where those words come from though. Are we born with an innate sense of failure? Were we created to live in constant fear that we are either too much or not enough? Not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, or pretty enough? Too loud, too quiet, too passionate, too lazy? We all have a different story, so I don’t want to generalize this too much, but I think it’s quite common that the internal voices of self-doubt are simply parroting what we’ve heard spoken to us. In short, whether hearing these degrading voices from within or without, the fact is that words are powerful. They tend to reverberate in our soul as a means to either build us up or tear us down. The bible goes so far as to say that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Words matter. What we say to ourselves and to others matters. It’s actually a matter of life and death.

So I ask myself and I ask you, “what kind of words are you speaking, both to yourself and to others?” We live in a greatly divided society driven by “information” that is curated for us based on our own biases. We typically surround ourselves with people who are generally similar to us; same interests, socio-economic status, affiliations, etc. It’s no wonder that it becomes so easy for us to dehumanize those on the other side of issues and begin to use divisive and hurtful language toward each other. It doesn’t really even appear to matter what the issue is. You see it in everything from politics and religion to sports and fashion. We’re right, they’re wrong. I’m informed, you’re ignorant. We are sophisticated, they are simple. We belong, they don’t. If we can take a step back for a moment and consider the way we view and talk about other people, my suspicion is that we would find that it’s really quite ugly and hurtful. In this, we need to do better. We need to stop viewing everyone as enemies just because they may disagree with us on one issue or another. So, how can we do that?

This brings me to the second part of the question, which is, what kind of words are you speaking to yourself? I think that often the reason we attack others is because we feel insecure in ourselves, or we feel anxious and fearful about their position that we disagree with. If I spend my energy speaking positively to myself, I wonder what kind of an impact that would have on how I view and speak to others. If I feel confident in my worth as a human, would I be so dogmatic to try to prove the value of my opinions? If I speak words of love and compassion into my own soul, do you think maybe I’d have more love and compassion to give out? Again, I don’t want to oversimplify the self-preserving nature of the human psyche. However, when I feel safe, I can provide safety to others. If I feel loved, it’s easier to love. When I am given the freedom to have my own thoughts and opinions, I can also give others space to have theirs as well. We don’t have to agree on everything. We have autonomy as humans to think, to learn, and to grow, and it’s our responsibility to do that with love, gratitude, and wisdom. In the same way, we have a responsibility to speak as well, not in divisive criticism, but in love. Not out of selfish motive, but with gratitude. And not in foolishness, but with wisdom.

I hope I’m growing in this, as I am definitely a work in progress. But the more I remind myself that I am loved, the easier it is to love. So, I’m ok with who I am. I’m content and confident to just be me, and let you be you. And hopefully we can remember that we’re all in this together, so let’s speak words of peace and healing to ourselves and each other. One love can make a difference. One voice can ,change a life. How will we choose to use our words today?

Hello, my name is….

Junior year of high school, I had a tendency to accidentally miss class periodically. I’m not really sure how it would happen, but inevitably somehow nearly every day something “came up” that got in the way of my class schedule and, well, decisions had to be made. Given that I already felt like I was completely fluent in English, it seemed that English class was a bit superfluous so it usually didn’t make the cut of classes I would attend for the day. My English teacher that year was an eccentric, somewhat older lady named Mrs. Wisecarver. Well, that was her official teacher name, but to me she was just Marge. While she on the other hand always addressed me as Mr. McDonald. Basically, I showed her no respect and she chose to show me respect I didn’t deserve. For a punk, high-school kid it was a pretty good arrangement.

When someone asks you your name, what do you say? Is it complicated? “Well, when I was kid my parents called me ________, but now I go by ________, and my friends call me ________.” It should be a pretty simple question, but for many (myself included), it’s actually not a simple answer. In many ways, our name is tied to our identity and that can get complicated. Identity seems to have two parts. There is the identity that we are known by, and more importantly there is the identity by which we know ourselves. The struggle we all face is to really know and accept our true identity, and then to make that identity congruent with how we are known and perceived in our family and social circles. For the sake of pursuing authenticity, I’m ignoring the whole question of our “social media identity” that is often a presentation of a false identity that we wish we had, but simply isn’t true or even a realistic desire, but that’s for a different conversation. Today, I just want to ask you, what is your name? In other words, what is your identity?

We see several examples in the bible of people being given a new name. Saul became Paul, Simon is called Peter, Abraham started out as Abram, Jacob was later named Israel, and the list goes on. Benjamin, Sarah, Levi, and Esther…..all on the list of name-changers. So, perhaps the better question to ask is not, “who are you?”, but, “who does God say that you are?” That is where our truer identity is found. Your story may be one of rejection, but God says, “I accept you as you are.” Your past may be riddled with failure and shame, but your true identity tells a story of redemption. I’ve wrestled with wanting to change my name as part of trying to define the identity that I’ve discovered to be true in me. And yet, what’s in a name? Juliet says a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Clearly I don’t have all this figured out and the answers to these questions of identity are complex and nuanced, but I do know this….my truest self and identity are defined not by how I feel or what people say, or even what I’ve done, but the creator defines the creation.

If you happen to be like me, posing deep questions to your soul about who you are, consider good ol’ Marge. The way she addressed me as Mr. McDonald didn’t mean I had earned that title, but she saw that as my deeper identity that I hadn’t even grasped yet. I wasn’t living up to a name of respect but to her that didn’t matter. She saw me for who I was created to be, and that carried more weight than my immature and disrespectful behavior. You may have unanswered questions about your identity, but I would suggest you start with this, “God, who do you say that I am?” He may give you a new name. He may reveal something honorable and noble about your character. Maybe he just wants you to know that you are loved and accepted just as you are. The thing I’m certain of is that God knows us better than we know ourselves. There is room for you to grow, to change, to develop into your truest self and become all that you were created to be. And in all of this questioning, searching, and struggle, I hope you know you are truly loved in whatever stage of your journey you happen to be in.

Pura Vida

Row 7, window seat on the 8:00 am flight out of Rogue Valley “International” Airport. Excited for another adventure together, my wife and I settle in for a long day of travel, expecting to arrive at our destination in about 15 hours. We absolutely love traveling together. Discovering new beautiful places, learning about culture and history, and don’t even get me started on the food! Oh, the food. Fish tacos and paella, fresh sashimi straight from the ocean, a warm croissant and espresso, pan dulce, champagne, cheese, and pan chocolat. Oh my goodness, it’s a good thing we walk so much when we travel or we would have some serious problems! But with all the beauty and culture, food, experiences, and photo ops, our hearts are searching for something more. We are intentional and focused on connecting with the people we meet along the way. We want to make a human connection with someone, to hear their story and truly see them as beautiful and unique humans. To me, to us, this is how we start to embrace the joie de vivre (joy of living) in France, the Pura Vida (Pure life) in Costa Rica, or the Vida buena (Good life). These phrases definitely embody a broader perspective of how you live day to day, slowing down, enjoying what you have and where you are, and I think this all starts with human connection. We are made to be in community.

What do we do then, when the vacation is over and we return to the daily routine of work and kids and bills and life? I’ve struggled with this for years, to the extent that my wife nearly refused to go on another vacation with me because I would return home feeling depressed and anxious about falling back into the same ruts of life I was so desperate to escape. We experience something new and different and then drop right back into the same old. I’m learning (slowly, but surely) that the lessons of life that we get to discover when we travel aren’t meant to stay abroad, but they come home with us. The art of hospitality that we experience in a small, Provence village shapes our home and helps us love our neighbors at home better. The relaxed pace of sitting to enjoy conversation over a fine glass of Bordeaux reminds me to slow down the frantic pace of American living and breathe in the joy of life with family and friends. I want to do better. I want my wife to always feel like she is more important than my career, my hobbies, or my phone. I want my kids to know they are adored and valued for who they are. I want my grandkids to know that Mimi and Papa cherish our time with them and feel so blessed to be able to love them like we do. I want friends to feel cared for, neighbors to feel appreciated, and strangers to feel welcomed. Again, I’m learning and definitely have not achieved any of this like I want to, but that’s all part of our human experience. We learn, we grow, we un-learn, we fall, we ask forgiveness and get back up, and we keep going.

I hope today in your life, you know you are loved. I hope you have people in your life that encourage you to grab the joie de vivre. I hope you are experiencing Pura vida as you find your way through this complex and sometimes messy life. The good news is that even if we don’t feel like anyone is giving that to us, we can give it to others. We can love our neighbor. We can encourage the checker at the grocery store. We can tip the barista generously and tell them how much they are appreciated. Smile more, enjoy the day, embrace life, and let’s learn the art of Pura vida in our daily lives.

Green, Type 9, INFP

When I was in nursing school, our instructors thought it would be a great idea to divide the class up for a discussion. Self-identified introverts on the right side of the classroom, extroverts on the left. Still to this day, I’m not really sure what the purpose of that was but one thing is for certain; the class was more than just divided logistically. It was divided deeply, on an almost spiritual level that brought out the worst of both sides. It went something like this: “If you guys would just speak up once in a while, then maybe….” followed by: “We would if you guys would just stop talking for a …….” Well, you get the idea. It got ugly real quick and honestly I don’t think the cohort was ever really the same after that.

My wife and I were discussing the ideas of introverted/extroverted, personality types, etc., which is actually fascinating to me and can be quite beneficial to understand yourself (both your strengths and weaknesses), as well as to understand those you have relationship with. There is real value in learning what makes you tick and what ticks you off and why. In case nobody has told you this in a while, you are unique and valuable. We need you in this world to show up, fully alive, and bring your authentic thoughts, voice, and being into community. You also share certain of those qualities with a subsection of other humans walking the planet. There are currently 8.1+ billion people in the world. That is 8.1 billion examples of trend and similarity, as well as uniqueness and nuance.

The truth is, you are quite complicated. Regardless of Myers-Briggs or Enneagram type, as helpful as those things can be, there are parts of us that just can’t be squeezed into a box of normalcy. What people may label as “introverted”, may actually just be fear as a result of past trauma, or cowardly hiding in the shadows to avoid the exposure of their own issues. Or the “extrovert” you know who is always the loudest and life of the party could simply be covering up their own insecurity, afraid to face the reality of their struggles so they surround themselves with people all the time to avoid the introspection of solitude. I don’t think this takes anything away from these personality tools, but adds to them. I recognize that behind every Type 7 ENFP, there is a human that has a story and needs to be loved. There is pain that needs to be acknowledged and wounds that need to be healed.

If you’ve never explored these personality tools (Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, etc), I would recommend that you check them out. They can be helpful to learn more about yourself and understand your preferences and tendencies. Then, look beyond those as well, to see how your own story has affected you. This is the great question of “Nature vs. Nurture”. I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle, between how you were made and what you’ve experienced. The short simple answer is that we all need to be loved and accepted as we are but that doesn’t mean we should stay that way, though. We grow, we learn, we change, and evolve. So as you give others the space to discover who they were created to be and how life has affected them, give yourself that same space as well. Out of 8.1 billion souls, there is only one you, and we need you.

Paz y amor