Have we forgotten?

Do you want to live in peace? Do you want to experience peace? I have mentioned this quote in a previous post Goodness is relative, but it’s worth repeating and consideration. Mother Teresa said this, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other”. In this tumultuous season we find ourselves in, with politics dividing friendships and family, wars that breed deep, generational hatred, and rapidly increasing anxiety plaguing the human heart, it seems that peace is a pipe dream. World Peace can’t happen without peaceful nations. Peaceful nations don’t exist without peaceful governments. Governments, being nothing more than a collection of anxious and warring people…..well, you get the idea. Peace begins with me. Peace begins with you.

We have two different fruit trees in our front yard. One is a scraggly little peach tree. I have tried to baby that poor, old tree. I prune it, make sure it’s getting the water it needs, and check it’s growth frequently while the young fruit is starting to grow. It doesn’t produce much, but the peaches we do get are delicious. We wait patiently, watching them grow and waiting for the perfect time to harvest. Typically it produces just enough fruit to give us one, fresh, homegrown peach crisp that we share with our family. About fifteen feet away lives an old apple tree. It’s overgrown, too tall and thick to be healthy. It produces a couple hundred apples, but probably 90% of them are infested with worms. They grow too close together so many of them get rotten and deformed. I rarely water it and even the fruit that does grow, we pick far too late. Like me, the quality of the fruit is determined by the love and care that is put into the tree.

When I look at my life, the fruit that comes out of it is a product of what goes into it. If I’m neglecting my body, not eating well, exercising, and taking care of myself, I not only see it in the mirror but I feel it. When I stop caring for my soul, it doesn’t show up right away. A season or two can go by and everything seems fine, but slowly things start to get cluttered up in my mind, like overgrown branches getting all twisted up. Like an infestation, anger, fear, bitterness, envy, and all sorts of negative thoughts take over my mind. I may still be producing lots of fruit, but upon closer inspection, it’s full of worms, rotting from the inside out.

If we want to see peace in our families, in our communities, and among the nations, it starts with each individual heart being tended in love. It starts with allowing God to prune away the dead branches that are causing us to live in anxiety, full of fear and insecurity. It starts with turning our complaints about what we don’t have into thanksgiving for what we do have. And it starts with remembering that we belong to each other. I’m not alone. You are not alone. In healthy community, we find a sense of purpose and belonging when we lift each other up rather than tearing down. Love builds up. Love lays down it’s own life for a friend. Love sets aside it’s own rights for the good of others. Love restores our soul and in due season, produces in us a fruitful harvest.

Peace is not a pipe dream. It comes from God, who is love. It is possible when we remember we belong to God and to each other. My life is not my own to simply seek my happiness and serve my every desire. In that self-centered life, peace will never come. I’m not going to lie, this is a constant struggle for me. Everything in me wants to serve myself. I want to be right. I want what I want when I want it. But even when I get it, there is no peace. Then I remind myself of this truth. My life isn’t only about me, and the world doesn’t revolve around me. God’s love is bigger than my fickle happiness. I’m here to be loved by him, to love my neighbors and my enemies, to give hope to the hopeless, joy to the brokenhearted, and remember that we belong to each other. In that, I find peace for my soul and hopefully, in due season, will see peace grow throughout the world. So say this with me and we navigate the busyness and stress of the holidays, “Peace begins with me”.

 

Smoke and Mirrors

“Keep your eye on the ball.” I don’t know how many times I heard that as a kid, but for some reason I just couldn’t get a hit. I played baseball up until about 5th grade, but I was terrible. I could play in the field o.k., but once I stepped up to the plate I just could never get a hit. That’s apparently a pretty vital part of playing baseball because I rarely got much playing time. Difficulty keeping my eye on the ball coupled with a fear of getting pummeled by said ball, rendered me completely ineffective with a bat in my hands. In short, I pretty much sucked at baseball. I finally gave it up to pursue other sports where I would perhaps find more success, where I also found the recurrent theme that was drilled in on the soccer field, golf course, football field, or tennis court…..”Keep your eye on the ball”.

Life has a way of bringing chaos and distraction, causing us to whiff in our crucial, defining moments. Whether for fear, bad habits, lack of intentionality, or a whole host of other possible reasons, we (or should I say “I”) will often take my eye off the proverbial ball. Another swing and a miss in life. We all want to hit the grand slam, to be the hero who comes through clutch when the game is on the line. More often, we’re either sitting on the bench or striking out. Perhaps we need to work harder, practice more, and discipline ourselves through rigorous effort. Or, maybe, and I think this is the case for many of us; we’re just swinging at the wrong balls.

Being the hero isn’t what I was created for. I was created to love God. I wasn’t born to be famous. I’m here to love my neighbor. These are the “balls” we should be swinging for. If we get distracted in the pursuit of anything else and miss these, we might as well be swinging at smoke and mirrors because even if you hit it, it will vanish before you know it. You can chase after money, fame, and sex, or the “good” distractions of faith, church, leadership, or religious piety, but without love it’s all for nothing. God says that without love, even these things are like a “noisy gong or a clanging cymbal”. Basically, they are meaningless and kind of annoying.

Don’t get distracted. I’m speaking to myself perhaps more than to anyone else. I have difficulty staying focused in life. I can set my intentions for the day at 7:00 am, and by 8:00 all I can think about is a cup of coffee or checking the latest football news. At every turn, we are faced with distractions. Politics, wars, natural disasters, family disputes, global pandemics….you name it. It’s everywhere all the time. But our role in life isn’t to get sucked into the distraction. We can engage in politics, having good and meaningful discussions and debates, but keeping our eye on the ball to love FIRST. Yes, we should consider what to do about our nation’s immigration policies and look for solutions, while maintaining our primary focus to love God and neighbor. These things aren’t mutually exclusive. We don’t have to “check love at the door” in order to deal with the issues of the day. But rather, we deal with the issues with love as the driving force behind our positions and decisions.

It’s not easy. Nothing truly worthwhile is easy. But I do believe it’s why we’re here. All of us, regardless of your beliefs, nationality, gender, or any other factor, we are here to love one another. I want to strive to keep my eye on that ball better than I have. I want that to be where my focus and intention is set. If I can truly live my life loving God and genuinely loving every other human around me, that’s the grand slam I want to see in my life. The challenge to myself, and to you as well, is to pick up the bat, step to the plate, and start swinging for the fences.

Peace and Love to you.

Learning and Unlearning

Being wrong can be humiliating…..or, it can just be human. It seems to depend on how important it is for you to be right. Learning something new feels empowering. A new skill or hobby, new insight into your soul or psyche, or new understanding of the world and culture around us. It feels good to learn, so why is it so difficult and painful to unlearn something? The things we thought we knew but somehow discovered there were holes in our knowledge that made our arguments crumble under the weight of truth. Perhaps you’ve even experienced this painful unlearning in the deepest foundations of your life. Have you experienced an identity crisis, questioning who you are and the purpose of your life? I have. Have you deconstructed your faith, searching for what really resonates as truth? I have. Have you foolishly argued your points only to find out later that your sources were biased and you only knew half the story? Yup, I’ve done that, too. Why is it so difficult to admit when we’re wrong about something? I think the answer lies somewhere deep in our depraved brain that associates this with weakness. Maybe it’s pride? Might be fear? Could just be plain arrogance. There should be great freedom in letting go of false assumptions, but it seems to be universally difficult. I don’t think it needs to be.

Our first step toward being right is the humility to admit you were wrong. Recently we saw a prime example of this in the news. Well, actually it was everywhere. In the news, plastered in Social Media feeds, in both public and private conversations. Worldwide, it was everywhere. It was the story of Imane Khelif. To refresh your memory, she is the Algerian boxer who won a gold medal in the Paris Olympics this past summer. Yes, I said “she”, because she is a she and she’s never been a he. However, due to her own genetic anomalies, there was great debate about whether she should be allowed to box against other women. As somewhat of a feminist at heart, I understand the argument against having men compete against women, and I agree it’s not fair. Women have been oppressed and held back for generations, the last thing they need now is to have men co-opting women’s sports or anything else. But as the hate and vitriol poured in and this girl was eviscerated by millions of people online, her story started to come to light and, what do you know, she was a she all along. Interesting though, how many social media posts did you see from friends and family publicly apologizing for being wrong about her and unfairly demonizing her? I hope you saw some, but I didn’t. Not one. I saw a lot of posts indicating “he” should get his @$$ kicked fighting against “other men”, but not one saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

Sometimes it’s something small. Recently my oldest daughter who is busy with her husband raising three amazing kids, working, going to school, and just trying to keep their heads above water discovered the simplicity of keeping a healthy protein snack available at all times. When she was at work, she would quickly pull out her small protein bar for a nutrition boost. Or being busy with school work, grab a bar to fuel her brain without taking time to make a meal. Well, she pulled one out and offered it to her cousin for a quick snack. Together they reviewed the nutrition facts to see if this would satisfy her cousin’s hunger. The result….1 gram of protein. She had been eating these daily for weeks, thinking she was reaching for a good, healthy snack. It turned out she was pretty much just eating cookies. Tasty, yes, but most certainly not a “protein bar”.

Learning and unlearning are both just part of the process of growth. It’s ok to be wrong and admit you were wrong. We all are at times. Anyone who says they’re never wrong is, well….wrong. And wrong is ok as long as we are willing to humble ourselves to admit our error, learn from our mistakes, and move on. In my life experience, I’ve had to let go of some false ideas about God. If I never admitted I was wrong, I’d still be living under the oppressive assumption that God was angry with me if I didn’t do and say everything just perfect. I’d still be hiding behind a false identity, pretending to have it all together. But the freedom came when I unlearned what I thought I knew and learned the deeper truth about God’s character and my identity.

Are there things you need to unlearn? Have you been living in a false narrative, believing and even fighting for things that may not actually even be true? If so, you’re in good company because the other 8 billion people on the planet don’t have it all together either. But good news, you don’t have to continue in it. It’s ok. You can learn or unlearn something new today about God, about yourself, about your political views, your opinion about your neighbor, preconceived assumptions about the world, or even the snacks you’re choosing to eat. What will you learn, or unlearn today?

Goodness is relative

“I’m good enough, I’m smart, and doggone it, people like me.” Maybe if you grew up watching SNL like I did, you recognize this daily affirmation from Stuart Smalley. That was back in the days of Dana Carvey’s “Massive Headwound Harry”, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, and Chris Farley living in a van down by the river. Stuart Smalley was an interesting character, as I’m not really sure if he was supposed to be a mental health counselor or the patient. Maybe, like all of us, in some ways he was both. His signature line and personal mantra is what sticks with me, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me”. It makes me think, how good is good enough? Good enough for what? Good compared to who?

Goodness, like other qualities that we judge in ourselves and in others, is relative to what it’s being put up against. You may say to your wife or friend, “That’s a pretty sweater”, but if it’s seen with a magnificent backdrop of a colorful sunset, suddenly the sweater isn’t as beautiful compared to the brilliant skyline. In a similar (but opposite) way, a love song by Adele or Ed Sheeran can be captivating, but it pales in comparison to the first time you hear the words “I love you Daddy” from your baby girl or boy. I absolutely love music and a good song can touch our hearts deeply, but still today after thirty years, the words “I love you Daddy” penetrate my soul like no song ever could. Beauty is relative. Strength is relative. Goodness is relative.

So when I boil everything down in my life, the days I was killing it and the days I blew it, the times I lived with integrity and the moments I lied to myself and others, all of it, if I’m honest I know I’m not good enough. Maybe if I compare myself to that guy or those people, I can fool myself into believing I’m good and they aren’t. But, goodness is relative, so in order to be good enough I have to compare myself with what is good, not with what is bad. Taking this a step further, when I consider the fact that “God alone is good”, well then I would have to compare myself to God rather than to my neighbor to determine whether or not I’m truly “good”. Through that lens, it becomes painfully obvious that I am in fact not good enough. And dare I say, neither are you.

But. I love it when there is a “but”. God himself, the one who is good tells us that we are good and that we are enough. Not because of what you or I do but simply because he loved us and gave himself for us. So stop trying to be good enough. You already are. Stop striving to achieve perfection, because A) You never will, and B) You are already enough. Isn’t that crazy!?! You, me, all of us. Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. American, African, LatinX, Asian…..we’re all beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of God and declared to be enough. We can stop competing with each other trying to prove who is better, smarter, or more enlightened. Mother Teresa said, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other”. Rather than comparing my own goodness with those around me, I can see that we are all equal in the eyes of God. We belong to him, and we belong to each other. This is where we will find peace in the world and peace in our souls that we are all searching for. You, my friend, are loved. You are enough. You are good.

What do you….

Hans Christian Andersen said, “To travel is to live.” While I appreciate the sentiment, I would argue that there is much more to living than travel. Community is developed at home. Family and friends bring joy and fulfillment to our lives that no beach vacation or tourist experience can ever match. That being said, I absolutely love to travel. It opens my eyes to the beautiful diversity of cultures, languages, customs, and landscapes that distinguish this planet from all the other rocks floating through space. When we get out of our own small experience of life, it’s like discovering a new color of the rainbow; another piece of God’s infinite creativity on display. Unfortunately travel can be a really expensive hobby so we can’t do it often, but when we do, it’s life-changing every time.

One interesting thing we have noticed makes me stop and consider the question, “What do you do?” In my experience here in the U.S., this is the question we all ask when we meet someone. Typically after the initial pleasantries, and within the first 60 seconds of actual conversation, we ask the question, “So, what do you do?” Perhaps this is more commonly asked among men than it is with women due to some historical perspectives on the “appropriate” roles for women in society, in the home, or in the church, which is a whole other issue that deserves some consideration. Be that as it may, the question doesn’t seem to carry the same weight of importance in other parts of the world, which causes me to wonder if perhaps we’ve ascribed it too much importance in defining our identity.

What if we rethink the questions we ask each other? If we refocus our priorities a bit and, like some other cultures, we could see more of the person than the position they hold. I’m challenging myself in this because I don’t consider myself to be a great conversationalist. I quickly run out of things to talk about beyond sports, weather, and “what do you do?” However, I want to learn to connect more and invest in getting to know the person as an individual and not just tell them how the weather is. Rearranging our own priorities will also reshape the questions we ask. “What do you do?” becomes “What do you…. love to do for fun?”, “What do you… hope to share with the world?”, or “What do you…. want to learn?” There are probably hundreds of things we could ask each other if we really want to know one another. It requires a bit of an investment and a little effort, but I think it’s a good step forward in creating the type of community and belonging that we’re all searching for. So tell me, what are you learning or dreaming about?