Scabs and Scars

I have a scar on my shin. I don’t even remember what happened, but it was just a tiny little scrape at first. It was one of those weird things that I didn’t really notice too much initially, but then I realized there was a mild pain. I was surprised to see blood trickling down my leg. I cleaned it up, no big deal. Two days later for some reason I was picking at the scab and pulled it off. It bled again and actually hurt worse than the initial wound. I don’t really know why I didn’t just let it heal. Maybe because it takes time and I’m impatient. I cleaned it up again, but this time it was a little sore. A couple days went by when I started to scratch at it again, but stopped before I pulled the scab all the way off. Unfortunately I had pulled enough of it up that it snagged on my jeans and ripped right off again. It did finally heal, but I was left with a scar as a reminder.

Maybe you’ve experienced something similar. Oh probably not with ripping scabs off. I think I’m probably just a weirdo in that. But I think we can all tend to do that sometimes with emotional wounds. It’s difficult to forgive someone who has hurt us. It often takes a great deal of work, time, prayer, and counseling. Even if you do everything “right”, forgiveness is not easy. In fact, in some situations I would say true forgiveness is an absolute miracle. I’ve been on the receiving end of forgiveness that I didn’t deserve and I can tell you it is absolutely beautiful. At the same time, my own soul knows the struggle of forgiving someone who hurt me deeply. I rip the scabs off and just won’t let the wounds heal, won’t let my heart forgive. I have definitely not mastered this, but I believe this is a hidden key to living in peace and love. We need to learn to forgive.

Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning

Desmond Tutu

Sometimes counseling can feel like ripping off a scab, reopening wounds that are trying to heal. I think a better way to look at that is like re-setting a broken bone. You could just leave it alone and let the bone heal on it’s own, but it may not heal correctly and will cause more pain and debilitation for the rest of your life. In those times, with deep and significant wounding, a good counselor can help open a wound, discover the depths of injury, and guide you in healing that you would never get if you didn’t “open the wounds” to see what’s really going on.

I encourage you, whatever emotional wounding you may have experienced, discover the power of forgiveness. Whether you need to open those wounds with a counselor or just give it some time and stop picking at the scab, great freedom will come as you give and receive forgiveness in your life. As we do, peace and love will become the dominant forces in our families, communities, and across the globe. We can each take responsibility of fighting for peace in our own lives.

It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.

Maya Angelou

What’s your story?

I have issues. Emotional scars from a lifetime of trying to feel my way through this crazy world. At times I can be paralyzed by fear that tells me I’m not enough or I won’t be accepted as I am. I struggle with childhood memories that tell me I’m loved as long as I look good enough on the outside. I sometimes feel socially awkward, ashamed of my past, or question the value of my voice in the world. Oh ya, I definitely have issues. Chances are you probably do, too. In fact, I would guess that if we really knew each other’s story, we would realize that humanity in general is quite fragile and broken.

I can tend to make quick judgments of people. In traffic, if someone cuts me off I instantly assume the worst of them. My wife (a.k.a. the Angel that has put up with me for 28 years) will often remind me that they probably didn’t mean to cut me off, while I’m tailgating, just waiting for an opportunity speed past them like a Nascar driver. However, I’m slowly starting to see the world through a different lens. Rather than looking at someone by their actions, I’m trying to see the human behind the actions. We’re all just trying to figure out life, and as I hear people’s story it becomes much easier to see them with love, compassion, and understanding.

If we as the human race just choose to believe the best about each other and show kindness toward one another, how much better would life be? It all seems too simple, and yet I really believe it is the key to our happiness and success. When one falls down, we reach out and help them up. If the waiter in the restaurant is rude, choose to be nice. Talk to them and connect with them as a person. Chances are, they have their own struggles they’re still working through in life. And if you ever cut me off and I wave at you with one finger as I speed by, I’m sorry. I love you but I’m still a work in progress and I have issues.

In-between

D.O.B. Date of birth. We all know it well. It goes on nearly every form you fill out, whether buying a home, applying for insurance, visiting the doctor, or paying your taxes. Everyone wants to know what is your date of birth. Contrast that with your date of death. Nobody knows. It could be today or it could be 50 years from now. It may come slowly from debilitating disease or it could hit you like a ton of bricks falling from the sky, literally or figuratively. Regardless of how it comes, none of us knows the moment we will breath our last on this earth. For some, that thought may instill fear in your soul, dread of leaving our loved ones behind, or uncertainty of what lies ahead. It’s a rational fear and makes sense, but I wonder if perhaps there’s another way to look at this.

I have run a few long distance races. Nothing too crazy, just small local runs all less than 10 miles. For me, 10 miles is still pretty far. As a kid I was a sprinter. I loved the 100 meter and 200 meter. Anything farther than that was considered long-distance in my book. Now that I’ve attempted some longer runs, my goal from the starting line is always the same; I just want to finish. I have to pace myself, breath in and out, relax. I can’t try to keep up with everyone else or I’ll tire myself out too quickly. Even staying focused on the finish line is a poor strategy because it distracts from the moment and causes more anxiety. It’s like thinking about food when you’re starving. It doesn’t help and often just makes it worse. For me, the best way to finish a race is one step at a time, and I think there’s something to learn about life in that. The way I finish a race is a direct result of what happens in between the starting line and the finish line. My pace, breathing, and mental state will not only determine when I finish, but how I finish. It’s the in-betweens of life that will determine how you and I finish as well. What do we do with the time we are given between our DOB and our RIP? If we are constantly stressed about trying to get ahead and anxious about our position, we will certainly feel like hell when we cross that final line. We all know the finish is going to come someday, so maybe we should slow down our pace a bit, breath in, trust God, breath out, love our neighbor. Show kindness to those running alongside us, and enjoy each step we’re allowed to take along the way. How you live the in-between of your life will bring peace to your soul, knowing that when God brings you to the end there is rest after a long, hard race.

Neighbors and Enemies

What triggers in your mind when you hear the words neighbor and enemy? Maybe you picture an epic battle between Mr. Rogers vs. Isis. You might think about a conservative evangelical vs. progressive liberal, or BLM vs. Proud Boys. Over the past 18 months, the nations of the world have seen exponential division in nearly every aspect of the human experience. Politics, race, nationalism, religion, and even families themselves have been fractured by hatred and intolerance of contrary ideas. We’ve seen this for years, but have witnessed a palpable increase in the past months. Why? How did we get here and what do we do about it? I certainly don’t have all the answers. Actually, I realize I don’t have any answers at all. However, we do find ourselves in a very polarized climate that seems to scream and pull at us from each side. “Pick a side,” they say. “If you’re not for us then you’re against us.” What if there is a different way? What if we allow ourselves to dream of a better culture where love speaks louder and tells a new narrative? Bob Goff said, “Grace draws a circle around everyone and says we’re in.” No more division. No more war. No more hate. We don’t have to agree with everything or everyone, but love needs to be a voice that chooses kindness, respect, and equality regardless of our varied beliefs and opinions. Become friends with people who don’t look like you, think like you, or agree with everything you say. Discover the beauty in people that are likely still healing from their own life traumas. As you do, you will find the number of neighbors in your life increasing, while the enemies decrease. I think this is why the bible tells us to love two specific people groups, neighbors and enemies. In loving our enemies, we begin to see them as human, and seeing the beauty in their humanity we can receive them as friends.

For recommended reading, check out Drop the Stones by Carlos Rodriguez

Discover your beauty

How much time have I wasted while the clock ticks on? Our lives, our time are but a momentary vapor in this world. So what am I doing with the time I’m given? Too often I’ve found myself sitting paralyzed, dreaming of doing something great but not really doing anything at all. Fear can grip my soul and render me completely ineffective in this world, too afraid that what I have to offer will never be enough. Maybe you can relate. Perhaps you’ve told yourself the same lies and repeated the story so many times in your head that you start to believe your life doesn’t really matter. You may begin to question your value, and ask yourself why you’re even here and what’s the point of all this.

The truth is that you were designed for a beautiful purpose in this world. Regardless of what you think of yourself or what you’ve been told, the truth of who you are speaks louder than any other voice. Your love matters in this world. Your voice matters. You matter.

My hope is that through this blog, this website, social media, or any other means possible, that you will discover the beauty inside you and believe in the value that you bring to this world. When the voice in your head says you’re hopeless, trust the voice in your soul that screams louder that you are valuable and loved and needed. Check back here often as we learn together the value of our love and our voice in this world.