Love on par

Recently my son wanted to get back into golf. He played for several years when he was a kid but other priorities pulled him away from the game. When he mentioned he wanted to start playing again, I was excited for the opportunity to spend some time with him doing something he loves, so I decided to get some clubs and learn how to play too. How hard could it be, right? A good friend of mine who just happens to be an excellent golfer gave me a set of clubs, and off I went to the driving range for some practice. Once in a while I actually make a good connection with the ball, but other times my grass divot flies farther than the ball. I keep practicing though, and this morning I think I played my best golf yet. I’m sure Tiger could still crush me one-handed and with his eyes closed, but still I feel like there is at least slight improvement.

Learning how to love can be a bit like golf. It’s awkward and ugly sometimes. You might par one hole, showing love and kindness to a stranger, but then turn around and speak rudely to your spouse, trash someone on social media, or stiff the waiter for a tip because he wasn’t quick enough refilling your water glass, Triple bogey. Ugh! Just when it feels like you’re starting to get better, the next hole sucks and you feel like a hack, a total fraud, and you have no business being on the course at all. I know the feeling.

Just like golf, love takes practice and patience. Be kind to yourself and don’t give up. Keep getting out there. Be brave and vulnerable. It might feel weird at first. As a matter of fact, it might always feel a little weird, but that’s ok. Loving people isn’t easy. It can be messy and frustrating, but in the end it’s worth it. As we continue to learn and grow, we will discover that love is like a superpower that can heal, inspire, bring hope, and perhaps even save someone’s life. So don’t quit. Even if you feel like just saying, “F%&# it” and throwing your clubs in the pond and walking away, don’t do it. Take a deep breath, give grace to yourself and others, and learn from it. You’ll be glad you did.

May peace overflow in your life and in our world as we continue to learn to love.

Dare to dream

The past 18 months have challenged our world collectively more than anything else has in my lifetime. Death and disease, hate and division, hopelessness and depression all have plagued our human experience this last season of life. None of us are exempt. In many ways we are still in the middle of this war, hunkered down in the trenches and hoping there will be victory soon. Many are scared, most are tired, and all hope for better days ahead. I know I certainly do. MLK said, “I have a dream,” and I wonder if perhaps you do too. Sometimes when life just seems to suck at every turn, our hearts can stop daring to dream. We are no longer thriving, living life to the fullest, but we’re stuck in survival mode just trying to get by.

I have found myself stuck in those seasons many times in my life, but I don’t think it has to be this way. In the words of the great Switchfoot, “We were meant to live for so much more.” It’s true. You and I were made in the image of a creator. That means we were created to be creative, to dream up new ideas, to explore ways to connect mind, body, and spirit with the world around us. This can’t happen until we set our sights on something higher than just getting by. It takes intentionality, courage, and purpose to step out of our picket-fenced lives and bring love and hope to the world.

Dare to let your heart dream of a better world. Then, let your love show it, and your voice share it, until we all begin to feel hope again. I’ve heard several people speculate about the possibility of another civil war in America. Let’s not wait to see. We can all take action by fighting for love and caring for one another today. Don’t listen to the voices that try to pit “us against them”, whoever “us” and “them” is. We’re all human. We all need love and we all hope for better days ahead. There’s nothing civil about war, so let’s dream of something better and fight for civil peace instead.

Walls or Windows

Photo by Bob Daemmrich for The Texas Tribune

Spring Break 1992, at 16 years old I had the opportunity to travel to Mexico with a high school youth group. None of us really knew what to expect from the trip other than people telling us it was going to change our lives. On day 1 of travel, the big yellow school bus pulled into a rest area along the I-5 freeway just after dawn so we could have breakfast. Admittedly I was quite spoiled as a kid, so I was a bit disappointed when breakfast turned out to be cereal with warm powdered milk. Warm. Powdered. Milk. What the heck? Who does that? Well, only a few hours into the trip and my life was definitely changed. I will never, ever drink warm powdered milk again.

After driving for many, stinky hours in the bus, we were just a few miles outside Ensenada, Mexico. With eyes wide in disbelief, I stared at the landscape filled with makeshift tents of cardboard, tarps, plastic, and any other trash that could be used for shelter. It’s a pretty common scenario for youth groups and church missions to visit impoverished nations to bring assistance for food, shelter, medical care, etc. I don’t want to minimize these trips at all, as I do believe great things can happen when we choose to get out of our comfort zone to help others. I wonder though, what do we actually see when those same people are camped at our border hoping for refuge and opportunity? Do we see them behind a wall keeping out the illegal foreigners, or do we look at them through a window, where we can see them clearly as they are in their beautiful humanity? How do you view foreign immigrants and refugees? Do you see them as a troublesome, political issue that needs tighter immigration laws, higher walls, and tougher foreign policies? Or, perhaps you can look a bit deeper to see their infinite worth as humans made in the same image as you and me. What prejudices or implicit biases do you feel in your gut that it’s time to call out and let go of?

I am deeply convinced that nationality does more to divide than it does to unite. Sure we need border security, whatever. I certainly don’t pretend to know everything about immigration laws, refugee status, and all that legal stuff, but I do know that if we don’t see them as human, don’t recognize their beauty and value, we are completely missing the call to love our neighbors. Love has to be the foundation of foreign policy, the catalyst for any humanitarian aid, and the window through which we see our neighbors across the street and around the world. Have you been seeing people through walls to keep them out? Try looking through windows instead, to see people of all nations, tribes, languages, and identities with love and kindness. Better yet, let’s open the door to them to have a conversation and let them into our lives. If we choose it, that will truly change our life and theirs. And you don’t even have to drink warm powdered milk to do it.

Scabs and Scars

I have a scar on my shin. I don’t even remember what happened, but it was just a tiny little scrape at first. It was one of those weird things that I didn’t really notice too much initially, but then I realized there was a mild pain. I was surprised to see blood trickling down my leg. I cleaned it up, no big deal. Two days later for some reason I was picking at the scab and pulled it off. It bled again and actually hurt worse than the initial wound. I don’t really know why I didn’t just let it heal. Maybe because it takes time and I’m impatient. I cleaned it up again, but this time it was a little sore. A couple days went by when I started to scratch at it again, but stopped before I pulled the scab all the way off. Unfortunately I had pulled enough of it up that it snagged on my jeans and ripped right off again. It did finally heal, but I was left with a scar as a reminder.

Maybe you’ve experienced something similar. Oh probably not with ripping scabs off. I think I’m probably just a weirdo in that. But I think we can all tend to do that sometimes with emotional wounds. It’s difficult to forgive someone who has hurt us. It often takes a great deal of work, time, prayer, and counseling. Even if you do everything “right”, forgiveness is not easy. In fact, in some situations I would say true forgiveness is an absolute miracle. I’ve been on the receiving end of forgiveness that I didn’t deserve and I can tell you it is absolutely beautiful. At the same time, my own soul knows the struggle of forgiving someone who hurt me deeply. I rip the scabs off and just won’t let the wounds heal, won’t let my heart forgive. I have definitely not mastered this, but I believe this is a hidden key to living in peace and love. We need to learn to forgive.

Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning

Desmond Tutu

Sometimes counseling can feel like ripping off a scab, reopening wounds that are trying to heal. I think a better way to look at that is like re-setting a broken bone. You could just leave it alone and let the bone heal on it’s own, but it may not heal correctly and will cause more pain and debilitation for the rest of your life. In those times, with deep and significant wounding, a good counselor can help open a wound, discover the depths of injury, and guide you in healing that you would never get if you didn’t “open the wounds” to see what’s really going on.

I encourage you, whatever emotional wounding you may have experienced, discover the power of forgiveness. Whether you need to open those wounds with a counselor or just give it some time and stop picking at the scab, great freedom will come as you give and receive forgiveness in your life. As we do, peace and love will become the dominant forces in our families, communities, and across the globe. We can each take responsibility of fighting for peace in our own lives.

It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.

Maya Angelou

What’s your story?

I have issues. Emotional scars from a lifetime of trying to feel my way through this crazy world. At times I can be paralyzed by fear that tells me I’m not enough or I won’t be accepted as I am. I struggle with childhood memories that tell me I’m loved as long as I look good enough on the outside. I sometimes feel socially awkward, ashamed of my past, or question the value of my voice in the world. Oh ya, I definitely have issues. Chances are you probably do, too. In fact, I would guess that if we really knew each other’s story, we would realize that humanity in general is quite fragile and broken.

I can tend to make quick judgments of people. In traffic, if someone cuts me off I instantly assume the worst of them. My wife (a.k.a. the Angel that has put up with me for 28 years) will often remind me that they probably didn’t mean to cut me off, while I’m tailgating, just waiting for an opportunity speed past them like a Nascar driver. However, I’m slowly starting to see the world through a different lens. Rather than looking at someone by their actions, I’m trying to see the human behind the actions. We’re all just trying to figure out life, and as I hear people’s story it becomes much easier to see them with love, compassion, and understanding.

If we as the human race just choose to believe the best about each other and show kindness toward one another, how much better would life be? It all seems too simple, and yet I really believe it is the key to our happiness and success. When one falls down, we reach out and help them up. If the waiter in the restaurant is rude, choose to be nice. Talk to them and connect with them as a person. Chances are, they have their own struggles they’re still working through in life. And if you ever cut me off and I wave at you with one finger as I speed by, I’m sorry. I love you but I’m still a work in progress and I have issues.