Making peace with your self

An anxious and shell-shocked heart beats in the chest of humanity, war-torn by a world bent on destroying it’s very will to live. Thriving doesn’t even feel like an option to a soul just gasping for oxygen. In the dark depths of our human existence the thought of true peace on earth seems like a foggy dream that has no chance at reality. Unless there be internal peace that settles the chaos in our post-traumatized minds and hearts, we will never know real peace on our planet or in our communities. To know your self and your divine creator, to dig to the center, to the very core of your being and discover peace within your own soul, that is the first, brave step on this painful and violent journey toward peace on earth.

It’s easy to slip into an intellectual coma and assume the “you” that people see is an accurate reflection of your true self. We can become so comfortable in the masquerade we forget about the reality that lies beneath the surface. Believe me, I know. I’ve lived it, and that life is miserable. Hell, I still have moments and days that I live it now, probably more than I know. It can be scary to take off the mask and be exposed for who you really are. It feels vulnerable and uncomfortable. This is why, as Brene’ Brown says, it takes courage to be vulnerable.

Allow yourself the freedom to be honest and vulnerable. Find out what really makes you tick. What gets you going or shuts you down? What biases may be stowed away in the back of your mind? Find out what fears may be holding you back in life or where you are harboring hate towards anyone. Discover what you believe and why you believe it. Be willing to dig and be a little uncomfortable. Search the dark corners of your mind and let it all be exposed, naked and raw before God. Then, with all the shrapnel of your life laid bare, hear the words of your creator say, “I love you!”. Now, let your soul be at peace and spread that love to everyone you meet. This will be the beginning of peace on earth.

Real life living

When I was a kid, we used to joke that my mom’s workouts were just sitting, watching exercise videos. She didn’t actually do any exercise at all, but just watched the videos. There is something in us that can believe that if we think about something, we’re actually doing it. Or we may even go a step further and buy a new pair of running shoes so we think we’re becoming healthier, but if those shoes are just collecting dust in the closet you haven’t actually done anything. I was noticing recently as I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, that I can start to believe I am actually living a life of love and justice simply by following other accounts of people who are living lives of love and justice. Then I realized that perhaps some of those people aren’t actually even living lives of love and justice, but only talking and writing about living a life of love and justice. I have to admit, I was extremely troubled in my soul. As I pondered, trying to reconcile all these things in my brain, I considered that perhaps I should get off social media altogether, and learn to focus my energy on actually living the life I want to live. Then it occurred to me (true story), if I go off social media, how is anyone going to know if I’m living a life of love and justice? That convicting reality pounded me in the face like Mike Tyson. I was more concerned with appearing to live the life, than actually living it at all. Ouch!

Perhaps you can relate in some way, or maybe you’re just a way better human than me, which is entirely probable. Regardless, there is a deep longing inside of us that desires to be loved and accepted, so we put on our best self, post our best selfie, and portray the image we think people will accept and appreciate. There is however something even deeper, and more real in us than our self-centered insecurities. There is a unique beauty inside each on us, as we were made in the image of our creator. Each of us has an immeasurable value and is worthy of love, kindness, and respect simply because we are creations of the divine. There is freedom in this truth as we discover we don’t have to try to be something, but we get to just be. Live in the present moment. Embrace who you are and know that you are enough. Love the ones around you. And don’t waste your life trying to earn the love of anyone. Be yourself; the beautiful, confident, imperfect but wonderfully made human that you are. That is the person that the world really needs to be present and living fully alive.

What would you do?

I close my eyes and like a dream, I see myself standing in our living room, my family all around. I’m sweating as my heart races to find strength and courage. Fear and faith battle for position on my wife’s face as she looks to me for reassurance. Our kids have heard the rumors, although they don’t really know what it means, or who “they” are that is coming. Just a few short miles away, people were killed in the street. I don’t know why, nobody does. Where else could we go? This is our home. We’re surrounded by friends and family, neighbors and community. Our churches, schools, and jobs are here. This is our world, our life. Then as I try to calm the family and hold my kids close to settle their fear, an explosion shakes the walls of our cozy, little house. A family picture falls from the wall and shatters on the floor. I see the glass in a million pieces, but the family still intact. I know what we have to do. Leave the framework of our life behind to keep the family safe and together. “Everyone pack a bag,” I say with as much confidence as I can find. We only have minutes to get out. They might already have the roads blocked. I don’t know where to go but we have to try to find refuge somewhere. Life as we knew it is over.

This image I have described has probably played out in a similar way thousands of times just in my lifetime. The details of families fleeing war and violence around the world are I’m sure much more intense and dramatic than my privileged, suburban mind can imagine, and I can’t even fathom actually having to choose to leave everything behind to protect my family from certain oppression and likely death. I don’t know what I would do, but it makes me think about how I look at the ones who have had to make that choice. It makes me think about how to view them, as humans that deserve to be loved and respected, welcomed and comforted. Moms and dads, brothers and sisters, all seeking refuge for a better life with peace and joy. Loving our neighbor carries no prerequisite of them having proper immigration papers, or if they are educated, speak our language, or will be a “productive member of society”. We love them as humans, created in the image of God.

This is something I wrestle with. Here in small-town Oregon, we are so far removed from the plight of millions throughout the world. We have our nicely fenced yards, instagram-worthy vacations, and an abundance of comfort and freedom that is easy to take for granted. But what if that all went away? What if we were the ones facing a military coup, widespread famine, or a bloody civil war? What would we do? Who would we turn to for help. What if the wall was no longer to keep others out, but to keep us in? How would our perspective change, and would we consider ourselves as “illegal” if we tried to flee to safety with our family? Consider these things when you hear the stories of refugees. Think about what they may have been through and put yourself in their shoes for a moment. How would you want to be treated after fleeing for your life and the safety of your family? I don’t know about you, but I would want to be seen as a human, worthy to be loved with compassion and kindness. And let’s pray we never have to find out what we would do if we were in their shoes.

Under lock and key

Pleading for forgiveness that never comes feels like a noose slowly tightening it’s grip. Days click by as I sit waiting in this prison, but the pardon is never extended. I’ve made my apology. I’ve done my time and learned my lesson. Why am I still stuck here inside these cell walls of unforgiveness? Shame and regret are my only company, but they seem perfectly content to stay here under a lock of self-deprecation. It’s odd, though. The lock is on the inside and the key is held within my own hand, clutched tightly in the grip of my pride that won’t let go. The problem is internal. I can’t forgive myself. Can you relate?

In another recent post Show some love, I talked about the importance of learning to love yourself. If this is a struggle for you, believe me I understand. It is for me, too. I think it probably is for a lot of people, actually, because of this silly thing we deal with called humanity. The fact is we aren’t perfect, and yet there is this internal drive to be perfect, or at least to have everyone else think we are. We then can’t accept our own failure as part of humanity, and we hold ourselves hostage expecting that we should be better than we are. “I’m better than that,” we may say to ourselves, or, “I can’t believe I did that.” I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said that in my life, because of the pride within me that wants to believe I can actually be perfect if I want to be. But, as you are probably keenly aware from your own life as well, perfection is not within the reach of our humanity.

All is not lost, however, as we do have a truth that goes even deeper than our own imperfection. I don’t want to sound too churchy, but I believe these words are true, “For God so loved the world…..” We have forgiveness from the one who IS perfection and we are loved by the one who IS love. This is the hope given to humanity, that God so loved the world. Therefore, if we have been forgiven by the God of Love and Perfection, how can we hold ourselves to a higher standard than he does? If he forgives me, shouldn’t I forgive myself as well? Shouldn’t you be released from the death sentence that has bound you in quiet obscurity for too long? I think so. This self-forgiveness is a critical ingredient of self-love. How can you love someone if you are holding them hostage in unforgiveness?

I hope that if this is a struggle for you, today you will release yourself from the chains that have held you for too long. Talk with a friend and be honest about the difficulties you may be facing. You may even consider visiting with a professional counselor that can help you gain some insight and perspective to move forward with your life. We’re all in this crazy world together, and we all need to be healed and whole individuals in order to love one another in community and in peace. So show yourself some love today. Loosen your grip, take a deep breath, and allow yourself to dance into the freedom and forgiveness that are yours to enjoy.

One Love & One Voice

In some quiet moments, the words just slip through my fingers, evading the grasp of my mind and pen. It can feel almost disorienting, like being underwater with your eyes shut, difficult to even know which way is up. Desperate for air, I plunge down deeper and deeper until the oxygen runs out and consciousness fades to black. The words just get lost in a swirling sea of thought and emotion until none of it seems valid anymore so I just move on in sublime ignorance.

Sometimes though, sometimes I dig. I fight. I peel back the dermal layer of cowardly indifference and press into the pain. To feel something, anything. To lay my soul out naked and exposed and know that I’m still alive. Cut away the callous over my heart to make sure the blood still runs hot and red. Can words even do justice to the depths of pain or the pounding oppression that swallows whole the life and love we were made to enjoy? One drop of rain doesn’t flood the ocean and raise the tide. But one voice along with millions of others can break through the damn (dam) walls and send floods of love and mercy into a thirsty land.

So, I dig in to find the words. I ask for the creator of life to birth in me something beautiful, something true. I wrestle with the limitations of my humanity to display something divine through the craft of a written word. I have no illusions of grandeur or expect a single soul to be enlightened by this small flicker of flame that I hold. The world and all it’s beautiful inhabitants will not find all that it needs in my simple prose and poetry, but in order to infuse more love, joy, and peace into the world, I offer all that I have: One Love & One Voice.