I pledge allegiance….

When I say, “Red, white, and blue”, what emotions does that evoke in your soul? For some, this brings feelings of nostalgic patriotism with visions of a Norman Rockwell painting in classic Americana style. Maybe you think about the freedom that you or a loved one fought for, and perhaps even gave their life to preserve for future generations. For others, red, white, and blue are the colors that robbed them of their family’s heritage. Their identity and dignity was stolen under the guise of progress, racial superiority, and “civilization”. Even the colors themselves may trigger fear and trauma with red and blue lights flashing behind them on the freeway. For me…..well, it’s complicated.

I love our country. I am so thankful for the freedom and opportunity that we have here. Compared to much of the world, we live in relative peace and prosperity. I’m grateful for all that we enjoy, and at the same time I say to our country, it’s leaders, and citizens, “we have failed!”. So much promise to declare justice for all, yet here we are with so many among us still fighting to attain the full rights of citizens, still struggling to survive racism, misogynistic oppression, and countless forms of abuse that happen under the banners of patriarchy, capitalism, and violent patriotism. And somehow over the years, we’ve lost the art of welcome. So here is the struggle…..what, or who should we really be pledging our allegiance to? A country? A flag? A political system or ideology? Or is there something greater that our souls long to be aligned with? I think the reason this country, no country for that matter, is absolutely right in the world is because our allegiance is misplaced.

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Statue of Liberty poem “The New Colossus” – Emma Lazarus

Perhaps you’ve heard it said that “God is love”. So when we talk about loving our neighbor, the invitation in that is to treat them the way God does. So, what does that look like? God (Love) befriends the marginalized. God (Love) shows compassion to the outcast. God (Love) calls out powerful systems of politics and religion, giving no room for hatred or oppression, and welcomes everyone to come, to find refuge and breathe free. Should Jesus walk the earth today, I believe he would show such kindness and compassion to every marginalized group of humans that many within the church would likely call for his crucifixion once again. I’m just as guilty as anyone! I realized the other day just how insanely much I have to learn about this simple and complex thing called love. And yet, that is our high calling as humans. It is what knits us together as people, struggling to survive in a world bent on hating each other. And it is what we should be pledging our allegiance to.

A world broken

Ahmad Hasaballah/Getty Images

In a previous post What would you do?, I tried to consider how it would feel to be a refugee. Either due to war, persecution, violations of human rights, or violence, there are currently an estimated 110 million individuals who have been forcibly displaced from their homes. Add to that poverty, climate crisis, and countless other heartbreaking scenarios, that number undoubtedly increases significantly. And here we are, facing another tragic situation in the middle east that has thrust millions more into trauma and instability. Somehow, being on the other side of the world these stories don’t really touch us like they should. On both sides of the Gaza border, children are living the traumatic nightmare of war. Human beings, created in the image of God whether they are Israeli or Palestinian, are suffering the heartache of losing their babies, their parents, husbands, and wives. I honestly can’t even imagine what that must feel like. And yet, I have to.

It’s easy to sit in a comfy chair, open my laptop, and muse about some issue that doesn’t really touch me personally. How sad. So heartbreaking. Too bad. But when I actually stop to consider the people living through it, something shifts in my soul. When I think about the mom wailing in the streets looking for her child who was crushed under the rubble, it doesn’t really matter to me which side of the border she lived on. Something deeper in me recognizes the infinite value of another human being and my heart breaks for her. The dirt is the same on either side of the fence. That border is just a construct of society to keep certain people in and keep other people out. But when we strip those away, and we look a little deeper, we can see that we are all struggling through this human experience together. Yes, there are evil people in the world and the atrocities committed by them against innocent people are heinous and disgusting. However, the truth of these words are just as true today as they were during the struggle for civil rights in the sixties…..

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

Martin Luther King Jr.

I feel helpless here in small-town Oregon while millions suffer throughout the world. It seems like all we can do is watch the news, hear the stories, feel bad, and maybe post something on our social media about standing with Israel. But here’s something I think each of us can do: Love your neighbor. Regardless of what they believe, what language they speak, where their family is from, what color their skin is, who they vote for, or their gender identity and preferences. None of these things are prerequisites for us to love them. (And I don’t mean “love” them just so that you can try to convince them to believe the same as you). If we all choose love over hate, little by little our neighborhoods will change, our communities can change, our towns, states, and countries can change. But it doesn’t start on a global scale. It starts with you. It’s starts with me. Individually we can choose to love and see the broken lives of this world start to be healed one at a time.

Peace, Shalom, Paz, Salam, Paix, Myr, Heping, Maluhia, Heiwa

Pass the mic

Much has been said about toxic masculinity, although I personally don’t think toxic masculinity is actually a real thing. Yes I use the term and I do believe that much of what our society deems “masculine” is very toxic and destructive. However, these traits I don’t see as true masculinity, but a false representation of what masculinity is supposed to be. Likely driven by fear, insecurity, or a whole host of other repressed issues, these toxic behaviors will often drive a man into misogynistic treatment of women, outbursts of anger and violence, obsessive competition, or arrogant criticism of others just to name a few. But, I digress. Although this “toxic masculinity” is a great scourge on our society and needs to be called out and changed, this post isn’t actually about men at all. It’s about the strength, capability, leadership, and resilience of women. You see, I don’t think we need to minimize the role of men in society, but rather to elevate the role of women. Let me explain.

My wife and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary, which I am incredibly grateful to be able to say. For many years of our marriage, I struggled with the whole issue of gender roles within a marriage. I felt inadequate as a man because of the false ideas our society (and the church) portray as manliness. Men are supposed to be the leader in every situation. Husbands are told they are to be the provider and protector for the “weaker” and “submissive wife”. As a father, we have to be the role model for sons and the defender of daughters. We are the negotiator in business, the provider for the home and family, the enforcer in a dispute, the fixer of anything broken, the spiritual leader, and the “head” of the household. Not only is that a lot of pressure on a man, but completely ignores the fact that wives, moms, and women in general are absolutely capable not only to partner in helping but to take the lead in many of these demands. When a man is told it is his role to be all these things which he internally knows he is incapable of doing, failure becomes his self-identity. He begins to over-exaggerate his strengths in order to distract the attention from his weaknesses. Then, if a woman displays some strength in an area that he is “failing” in, his manhood feels threatened, he becomes defensive of his “authority”, and finds ways to manipulate and suppress the woman so he can reestablish his position. Now, doesn’t that sound toxic?

I’ve been learning over the last several years that my wife’s strengths aren’t a threat to me or my manhood. I’m not competing with her to be the “man of the house” and she’s not trying to make me feel inadequate in the areas that she is more naturally gifted in. She is strong and smart, compassionate and loyal; the perfect partner to walk through life with me side by side. There is no hierarchy, no authority, and no jockeying for position in our relationship. And I think this is how life is supposed to be between the sexes. Equality. Partnership. Mutual respect. Sadly that is not always what we hear taught from men in power, either in politics or from the pulpit. Women are often relegated to “women’s issues” in the social square, Sunday School or women’s ministry in the church, and the “woman’s place” in the home cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids emotionally and practically, and making herself available for her husband to meet any need he may have. This is the toxicity of masculinity……not that men are too “manly”, but they are too threatened by the strength and abilities of women. This, I believe, is one of the greatest errors of mankind that is rarely discussed by the men with microphones, but crucial to the betterment and future of society.

Dear men, let women have their rightful place of equality. Recognize the value of the women around you and make room for them to be heard. Dear America and all the other nations of the world, let women lead. Dear Southern Baptist Convention and every other denomination and religion: For the love of God and for your own good, listen to women preach. They have a lot to offer that we are missing out on because of men’s insecurities and fears. And dear women, if you have been oppressed and silenced, remember the first people entrusted to preach the good news of Jesus’ resurrection were two women. Your voice has great value and needs to be heard.

Anti-political love

Is anyone else exhausted with political rhetoric that constantly bombards us from every side these days? It seems like the last presidential election was just decided and we’re already gearing up for another one. We never really see actual progress because our two-party system is so deeply pitted against each other, it’s like a perpetual match of tug-of-war. Unfortunately this isn’t a game, and we’re all going to end up face down in the mud if something doesn’t change. The thing is, who can you listen to? With all the money, power, and influence driving this country’s political machine, how can you even trust a campaign promise or platform when the motive behind it is just to get as many votes as you can to defeat the evil ____________ (Republicans/Democrats, Conservatives/Liberals, Fascists/Anarchists). Fill in the blank with your favorite flavor of rhetoric. Then I wonder, is this more than just a political problem? As poet and rapper Propaganda has said, “Politics is just gangbanging in nice suits.” Maybe this is actually a human problem.

Don’t we do the same thing as these politicians? We game the system to try to get ahead. Tell the boss what they want to hear to get a promotion or put our most beautiful and successful image on social media to attract more likes and followers. And here’s a gut punch…..we often do the same thing in our churches. Have you ever heard this, “Show them love so that they will ask what’s different about you.”? Or, “Be nice in order to show people that our religion is different (aka “better”) than the others”? Taking a step back, this looks a lot like manipulation and coercion under a spiritual guise of love, kindness, or good work. This is a political love, only given with the purpose of receiving something in return. If we find ourselves “loving” someone so that they’ll listen to us, believe us, like us, follow us, or any other motivation other than love itself, I’m afraid we are missing the whole point of love.

We are humans, made in the image of God, who describes himself as Love. Love is the fabric that makes up the core of our being and how we are intended to thrive individually and in community. It is patient and kind; not insisting on its own way; doesn’t fight for its own rights above the safety and welfare of others; doesn’t tear down others with hateful and spiteful words, but builds up and encourages. This is loving our neighbors, for no other reason than love itself. I wish I could say this is a reflection of how I live, but alas I’m still a work in progress like all of us. I believe though, that this is the way to a better future for humanity, where we all show mutual love, respect, and compassion for every single human on this beautiful planet. Let’s learn to love our neighbors better, whether they live across the street or across the border. Everyone deserves authentic, anti-political love from us today.

Choices

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain

James Baldwin

Here’s a difficult question to ask yourself, but perhaps one of the most valuable gifts you could give yourself by asking, that is, if you’re actually willing to give yourself an honest answer. Who do you hate? Is there someone in your life that just makes you angry at the mention of their name? Maybe you would say that you hate the liberal protester that burned an American flag in the streets. “How dare they tread on our country’s flag!” Or perhaps you hate the guy flying that same flag from the back of his truck while he yells profanities at a family of immigrants on the side of the road. Do you hate people with brown skin? Or white skin? Or Asian or Palestinian? Christian or Muslim? Do you hate people who don’t have a home, or people who live in extravagant mansions? Be honest with yourself…..Who do you hate?

Now, ask yourself why. Why do you hate that person or “those” people? Do you even know them? Maybe you don’t want to label your biases as hate. I get it. We tend to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and assume that our intentions are good, that we don’t have implicit biases against race or religion, politics or gender, or any other variable that differentiates us from the neighbor that we are supposed to love. But as we look around the world, and even around our own communities, hate runs rampant while love is reserved for only a select few that look like us, talk like us, vote like us, and generally agree with us on religion, philosophy, human rights, economics, government, you name it. We reserve the right to refuse love to anyone that doesn’t quite fit in our tiny box.

Now, back to the quote above from James Baldwin. Today is his birthday, by the way, so I was thinking about this quote from him. The part that struck me so much is, “once hate is gone”. This reminded me that just like love is a choice, hate is also a choice. We can choose to let it go, to let it die, and replace it with something far greater. We can choose to love instead. When we let go of the hate, we may need to deal with some discomfort, but that is all part of growing. There is beauty in that pain because it leads to life and brings peace both to your soul and to the world around you. If you’re struggling to let go of the hate, don’t stop trying. Hate runs deep and is a powerful foe but in the end, Love conquers all.