Suns and Moons

August of 2017 here in Oregon was an absolute frenzy over the total solar eclipse. Vacation rental prices skyrocketed as everyone was taking full advantage of the excitement, with people traveling from all over the world to experience 9 minutes and 3 seconds of the sun being temporarily tucked behind Luna, the lonely and humble moon that smiles it’s old face toward the earth. Two nights ago, as we drove home I noticed the same moon, which had once blocked out the sun completely now appeared as nothing more than a sliver. Same sun, same moon, but different perspective. Interesting.

A couple years ago, I walked through the hell of deconstructing faith. I looked around at the church, I peered inside my own dark heart, and reflected on the motivations behind my life choices. It’s one thing to make a dogmatic profession of what you believe, but when I asked myself why I believe what I believe, that’s when some things started to boil to the surface. Like bringing out the impurities of gold, sometimes you have to turn up the heat, burn it all down, and discover what’s real, what’s true. In my desperation to live in authenticity, I proceeded to strip away the paint, the walls, and all the façade that I depended on to give my life a nice appearance but was lacking in substance. I had to tear it all down to the studs, question it all, and see what was left. It was like walking through the valley of the shadow; scary and threatening. Like a total solar eclipse, it was dark when my perspective was blocked and I couldn’t see the brilliance of the sun past the overshadowing silhouette of the gray.

Deconstructing faith has stolen the joy and life of many beautiful souls if it refuses to proceed beyond the eclipse. Getting stuck behind the dusty moon, we can forget that there is a radiant light of truth and faith and beauty outside of our current darkened state, but we have to be willing to seek it out and be open to receive it. Deconstruction can be a wonderful thing if and when it leads us to reconstruction. Rather than remaining in a state of disillusionment, kicking all the good and true things to the curb, and forgetting the faithfulness of God in your life, reconstruction pushes through to get out of the shadows and be rebuilt brick by brick. Deconstruction is the easy part. It’s the natural thing for our own selfish hearts, racked with fear and insecurity to doubt in the darkness what we’ve seen in the light. Reconstruction takes work, and guts, being willing to consider that which we cannot see and allow ourselves the humility to have faith in a God who is too big for us to fully understand.

You may be in a place of total eclipse, feeling like the light of your faith has gone completely dark. Or maybe there’s just a sliver of the moon appearing in your dark night of the soul. Either way, it’s just a matter of time before the fullness of the sun comes back to illuminate your world. Just don’t close your eyes. Keep your eyes wide open, looking up, seeking and asking. Deconstruction is not the end of your story or the final chapter of your faith journey. The moon, whether bright and full or completely absent from the night sky, is simply a matter of perspective, as it is only able to reflect the light of the sun from it’s current position above the stratosphere. Asking questions is not the thing that keeps us from the knowledge of God; it’s not asking the questions or being too afraid to accept the answers. Either way, know this: You are loved, right where you are, with all your doubts, questions, and fears, you are loved.