Under lock and key

Pleading for forgiveness that never comes feels like a noose slowly tightening it’s grip. Days click by as I sit waiting in this prison, but the pardon is never extended. I’ve made my apology. I’ve done my time and learned my lesson. Why am I still stuck here inside these cell walls of unforgiveness? Shame and regret are my only company, but they seem perfectly content to stay here under a lock of self-deprecation. It’s odd, though. The lock is on the inside and the key is held within my own hand, clutched tightly in the grip of my pride that won’t let go. The problem is internal. I can’t forgive myself. Can you relate?

In another recent post Show some love, I talked about the importance of learning to love yourself. If this is a struggle for you, believe me I understand. It is for me, too. I think it probably is for a lot of people, actually, because of this silly thing we deal with called humanity. The fact is we aren’t perfect, and yet there is this internal drive to be perfect, or at least to have everyone else think we are. We then can’t accept our own failure as part of humanity, and we hold ourselves hostage expecting that we should be better than we are. “I’m better than that,” we may say to ourselves, or, “I can’t believe I did that.” I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said that in my life, because of the pride within me that wants to believe I can actually be perfect if I want to be. But, as you are probably keenly aware from your own life as well, perfection is not within the reach of our humanity.

All is not lost, however, as we do have a truth that goes even deeper than our own imperfection. I don’t want to sound too churchy, but I believe these words are true, “For God so loved the world…..” We have forgiveness from the one who IS perfection and we are loved by the one who IS love. This is the hope given to humanity, that God so loved the world. Therefore, if we have been forgiven by the God of Love and Perfection, how can we hold ourselves to a higher standard than he does? If he forgives me, shouldn’t I forgive myself as well? Shouldn’t you be released from the death sentence that has bound you in quiet obscurity for too long? I think so. This self-forgiveness is a critical ingredient of self-love. How can you love someone if you are holding them hostage in unforgiveness?

I hope that if this is a struggle for you, today you will release yourself from the chains that have held you for too long. Talk with a friend and be honest about the difficulties you may be facing. You may even consider visiting with a professional counselor that can help you gain some insight and perspective to move forward with your life. We’re all in this crazy world together, and we all need to be healed and whole individuals in order to love one another in community and in peace. So show yourself some love today. Loosen your grip, take a deep breath, and allow yourself to dance into the freedom and forgiveness that are yours to enjoy.